This year I did not do my 30 days of thanksgiving on Facebook but that does not mean that I was not writing them down and reflecting on all that I am thankful for!
So here it goes:
1. My Husband - without him I would not be able to do all I do. He supports my crazy ideas for this family and is my best friend who can make me feel better with a hug.
2. My kids - they have taught me more about myself than I ever thought I could learn. They have taught me I could love until my heart wants to burst and that being a mom is the most rewarding but also the hardest thing I have ever done. They are my world and are why I do what I do in life!
3. My mom - she has always believed in me and supported me. She may think I am insane for what I try to do but she has believed in me more than I believed in myself at times and I cannot go a day without talking to her.
4. My dad - he is 4th because it has been one month since he left us, I am thankful for the memories. I am thankful for all he taught in my life.
5. My sister - she is my rock of reality. She makes sure that when I am about to fall off the cliff that she will pull me up to the real world and help me focus on what really matters. I love having her to balance me.
6. My extended family and the friends we have who are like family in our lives. I love you all, I am glad you all put up with my craziness and the craziness of our house and cannot imagine life without all of you.
7. Being an Aunt to some amazing kids, I love spoiling them with love and to see their smiling faces.
8. My ConAgra Family and the career I have been able to have there in almost 8 years!
9. The support team I have gained for my running journey, my hubby and friends, you all have believed in me that I can do this and I could not without your support. Let's see how I get thru training with snow coming but I can do this!
10. Crazy, quick trips to the Country Music Awards with some of my favorite people.
11. The teachers my kids have - I am very thankful for all of them that have been in their lives and the awesome job they have done in shaping my little people!
12. My love for sports and the chance to attends games - whether with family of friends I love a good game.
13. Friend who have always been there but who I may not have seen in a while. You all have written a chapter in my life and I am grateful for them all.
14. Passion to do more for others and the ability to be involved with Tri Kappa, Relay for Life and to be able to teach giving to my kids
15. Watching my kids push themselves to do more than they think they can! I love to see an accomplishment of joy come across their faces.
16. The NKMOTC moms - I love you ladies and you have helped me so much, I miss you and hope to see you soon
17. My Keurig coffee machine, yes I need it to keep up with these kids!
18. The fact that Maggie asked to join Girl Scouts, I have many great memories from being a Girl Scout and loved it, I hope she does too
19. Time with my grandparents, I am lucky to have been able to know all of my grandparents and to know Matt's.
20. Having an amazing team to work with - you all keep me coming back each day.
21. Having a job that allows me to attend my kids functions during the day and on today a very special lunch feast with my 3 year olds.
22. The means and ability to take my kids on a vacation, it may be a trip for Matt and I but I love living in their worlds and seeing things for the first time with them.
23. Wacthing my kids interaction with each other, there are many sweet moments when they are not fighting!
24. Kids that want to support each other, watching Caden, Mallory and Cale cheering on Maggie this week has been awesome, they want her to do so well and have been practicing with her.
25. In Laws who help us out with our crazy crew - they are up for any trip and outing.
26. Being able to take my kids to one of the most magical places on earth, Disney World and Disneyland - even adults get excited there and I know so many people cannot afford to go.
27. Seeing good friends who live many miles away - blessed to catch up with one this week during our trip to California
28. The gift of being a mother 6 years ago today I got my first chance to do that and it forever changed me.
29. New friends who we made at pageant - that is one NAMily we have
30. A month of being able to reflective on my blessings and to truly be thankful!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Two months later, it still hurts...
Well two months after dad has passed and while we are moving forward things are still hard and I would give anything for one more conversation with him. I want to make sure I remember him, in the good days, and while I have had one dream in which he was in it startled me awake and never came back.
I had many moments of smiles while at Disney with my family, my dad loved just watching everything there. He was crazy enough to take us there with friends, 4 girls, just he and grandma, what was he thinking? He did that twice!
Mallory seems to ask me the most questions about my dad, she wants to know a lot of things. It pains me to answer some of them but I am glad she asks. I sure do wish they could have really known the real him.
Thanksgiving started out rough, I could not sleep, did not really think about why, I mean after all my kids were celebrating their 6th birthday that day so I should not have been in a bad mood. It hit me after I locked myself in the bathroom for a quick shower, I was missing my dad. I had not spent Thanksgiving with my dad in at least 8 years, but I usually talked to him on that day at least. I could no longer call him if I wanted to, that made me sad. But as sad I was we had birthdays to celebrate and many reasons to be thankful so I had my moment but cheered up to celebrate my babies and to reflect on my blessings. This was also my first ever Thanksgiving away from our big family and my mom, it was good but next year I want to be at home with all of those crazy people I love!
I was not really sure what to expect in this whole process. The first few weeks I kept busy by cleaning his place and just trying to figure out how to be a good mom and wife again. Then one month in my kids were sick and made sure I was focused on them, I ran away once to Nashville for the CMA's though, came back and we were off to California. I can definitely say things are getting easier in the whole process but juggling the "stuff" you need to do with what you want to do is hard.
I still want one day to curl up and hide, to really cry and think about the good times with my dad. To sit and talk to him. I have not been able to have that day alone yet. I cannot find a day to schedule off work when I do not need to be doing a million things at home or cleaning. Someone always needs to be somewhere, something has to be washed or bought for school or someone needs mommy. I will figure it out one day, I have to but for now I have to be with my family and do what they need.
I miss my dad, I know he is better now, I believe he is healed. I hear him laugh every once in a while and smile.
Until we can sit and talk dad, I love you, I miss you, I hope you forgive me and I will see you another day.
I had many moments of smiles while at Disney with my family, my dad loved just watching everything there. He was crazy enough to take us there with friends, 4 girls, just he and grandma, what was he thinking? He did that twice!
Mallory seems to ask me the most questions about my dad, she wants to know a lot of things. It pains me to answer some of them but I am glad she asks. I sure do wish they could have really known the real him.
Thanksgiving started out rough, I could not sleep, did not really think about why, I mean after all my kids were celebrating their 6th birthday that day so I should not have been in a bad mood. It hit me after I locked myself in the bathroom for a quick shower, I was missing my dad. I had not spent Thanksgiving with my dad in at least 8 years, but I usually talked to him on that day at least. I could no longer call him if I wanted to, that made me sad. But as sad I was we had birthdays to celebrate and many reasons to be thankful so I had my moment but cheered up to celebrate my babies and to reflect on my blessings. This was also my first ever Thanksgiving away from our big family and my mom, it was good but next year I want to be at home with all of those crazy people I love!
I was not really sure what to expect in this whole process. The first few weeks I kept busy by cleaning his place and just trying to figure out how to be a good mom and wife again. Then one month in my kids were sick and made sure I was focused on them, I ran away once to Nashville for the CMA's though, came back and we were off to California. I can definitely say things are getting easier in the whole process but juggling the "stuff" you need to do with what you want to do is hard.
I still want one day to curl up and hide, to really cry and think about the good times with my dad. To sit and talk to him. I have not been able to have that day alone yet. I cannot find a day to schedule off work when I do not need to be doing a million things at home or cleaning. Someone always needs to be somewhere, something has to be washed or bought for school or someone needs mommy. I will figure it out one day, I have to but for now I have to be with my family and do what they need.
I miss my dad, I know he is better now, I believe he is healed. I hear him laugh every once in a while and smile.
Until we can sit and talk dad, I love you, I miss you, I hope you forgive me and I will see you another day.
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