The REAL meaning of Christmas

A couple of weeks ago on the way home from school Maggie began to ask about the real meaning of Christmas. This is a wonderful question but I was not doing a very good job of explaining Christmas Day in a way that she was understanding.  She knew that it is the day we celebrate Jesus' birthday but could not comprehend any of the rest of the story.  No we have not been to church lately, no judging unless you live my life please but I knew there was a way to teach her this very valuable lesson. 

So I did what any other parent would do, ask someone who knew how to best explain the real meaning of Christmas.  I went to work the next day and was talking with my friend Kristi who I knew taught Sunday school and she had the perfect answer - an interactive book and nativity scene.

It was perfect. I borrowed Kristi's book for the evening and Maggie and I sat down to learn (in her own words) "the real meaning of Christmas".  Maggie was so into the book and wanted to know details of the people involved in the story.  There are 7 boxes which  you open, Gabriel, Mary, Joseph, Jesus, the Shepherd and the Wise Men.  The final box has a mirror in it so that the children knows that what God wants for Christmas is for you to have him in your heart and that he wanted you to be part of the plan. 

THIS HAS BEEN SO POWERFUL!  I am very grateful for this set and for Kristi who picked one up for us when she went to the Christian bookstore.  Caden so wanted to know more about the story and to get his own turn to open each box.  It just so happened that on Friday morning Maggie asked me if I could bring that book home again so she could teach Mal Mal the real meaning of Christmas.  What would you know our own copy was sitting on my desk when I walked into work on Friday morning!  Oh I was so excited to make Maggie's wish come true. 

She is now understanding that Christmas is more than Santa and gifts.  This year we did adopt two children as part of our giving back during Christmas.  Caden and Maggie went with me to shop for the family and now we have lots of questions about all of the kids who will not have Christmas.  However, that lesson was not enough, and has lead to A LOT of hard questions to answer about those children who will not have a joyful Christmas. 

We have an angel in our lives, she just so happens to work with mommy and she has made this Christmas so much better with just a little gesture of picking this up for me when she was out.  I am very grateful that my child is asking the question about the real meaning of Christmas, we have to be doing something right, no?
I am even more excited that she wants to share it with her siblings and make sure they know the real meaning of Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you all!  I love you Maggie Lynne and I love your drive to learn. 

Breaking Hearts with No Answers

The tragedy that took place on Friday in Connecticut has many of us wondering why it happened, will they ever recover and how will they move forward?  No one can truly imagine what the pain feels like for all of those involved. 

26 innocent lives lost, 20 children and 6 ladies who were just trying to do their job of educating our young.  It does not make sense.  It will never make sense.  It struck home to way to many families who unfortunately have been through similar tragedies.  It has caused parents everywhere to hug their children tighter on Friday.  You may have put up with a little temper tantrum that on any other day would have caused you to not be happy with your little ones.  You hopefully decided to do something good with a random act of kindness that will spread to others. 

I hope that the families who are impacted by this tragedy will begin to heal and know that there are so many people who are praying and thinking of you all.  I cannot imagine, I am grateful for my little peoples who bring so much joy to our lives.  I have tried to be more patient with my family over the last couple of days and just be glad that I have a little one who may disagree with me.  I have not let the rude lady at the Kroger deli make me be a bad person, she is the one who thinks something happened and will have to live with her words, I on the other hand took the high road.  I hope that others too remember what is truly important in life, it should not take something like this happening to make us do that but sometimes it does.

I have not shared with my children what has happened, we have not let them watch the news.  I am not sure how I would answer all of their questions but they will one day learn that there are bad things that happen in this world and we cannot change what may happen.  There is a plan which is laid for all of us and we may not agree with the path but our path has been chosen for a reason. 

Right now we are working on (in Maggie's words) "the real meaning of Christmas" and I am grateful that is where their focus is so that we do not have to discuss what has happened.  I just do not think their little heads need to know as I worry it will make them afraid to enter kindergarten next year. 
But we will pray for everyone involved.  Their little prayers are powerful.

It sucks, there is not really much else to describe it but I hope they all begin to find peace and know that they have many prayers and thoughts coming their way.

Where did my babies go?

This has been my question over the last 4-6 weeks, Where did my babies go?  Mallory will tell me, "they growed up" and she is 100% right. 

I am not the only one to notice this change, my parents, Aunt Haley, Aunt Philly, they have all said they too have noticed this changed.  In fact it was November 29th at Haley's birthday dinner when she asked Mallory, "when did you start speaking in full sentences?"  Mallory's reply, "I do not know" which she uses quite often. 

Here are the things we have all witnessed:

• No more babies in their cheeks - their faces are changing
• Full spoken sentences - very little jibberish anymore
• More independence - they want to do everything on their own
• "Adult" conversations with each other - I LOVE listening to these when they are going down for a nap and on the way to school.
• "What is this," which is Cale's favorite saying right now. More interest in asking the questions of what everything is and you see their brains soaking in the learning
• There is no longer a need for any clothing that is a onesie, in fact we are moving into potty training, not yet successful but we are working on it
• "I Pick"  They want to choose their clothes and dress themselves, which at times results in a red skirt and purple shirt or self proclaimed "Jammie Day" at school but it really is not wroth the argument and I think it is great to watch their preferences come out. 
• They want to do what their big brother and sister are doing, and whether they are successful in accomplishing that task or not they still work very hard to do what they are doing, good and bad!

So my babies are growing up, I knew this day was coming, I think the last of my first haircuts really started this but the truth is I have been in denial. 
I have known full blown toddler hood was around the corner, we have been purging baby equipment out of our house for a while, but I still have not been ready.  This is not to say that I am not enjoying our new stage in our lives, I am just a bit sad that the baby days are gone.  Which means a BIG shout out to my sister and brother in law for deciding to have another baby to snuggle, thanks Myles for putting up with my over loving.  And another BIG shout out to Haley and Adam for also deciding it was time for another baby - we cannot wait to meet Miss Scarlett and snuggle her!  These babies will be spoiled by Aunt Trina because I just was not full ready for the baby stage to end. 

To Mallory and Cale, I love you two, you are truly unique little people who are growing and learning each day.  Keep doing what you are doing and know that I am proud of every accomplishment you achieve and even when you learn from the failure, I could not be more proud because you tried.  And to the rest of my family who is having new babies - call me when you need a break, I can always use an infant or little one to love!

Happy Birthday Maggie Doodle!

Happy Happy 5th Birthday Maggie Lynne!   You are been waiting for this day for a full year and could not be happy to turn five! 

You fully believe you are now truly a BIG girl and will grow even more this year than last (and you are). 

Your imagination is bigger than ever and your love for princesses and Barbie are BIG.  You are playing soccer, however, we are not sure that it is your thing.  You did enjoy tball this summer though and have met some good friends with your teams.  You LOVE dance and have grown so much over the last 3 years that it is amazing to watch.

You are a smart little girl.  You entered this world two minutes after your brother but I believe that is the only time you have been behind him in your life.  You are learning to lead and are practicing on your little sister a ton. 

You are a GREAT big sister.  You love to play with Mallory, especially dress up and house.  You love playing with the big kids and hate when you cannot spend time with Natalie.
 
You crack us up with your dance moves and we are never really sure what you will say.

You love arts and crafts and pretty much everything about school.  I really hope that never changes.

You will eat just about anything but prefer spaghetti, chicken nuggets, ice cream, and surprisingly enough will eat your green beans which makes me happy. 

Maggie, you are a great little girl, excuse me a big girl.  You will always be my little 4lb baby girl but as you have told me time and time again in the last few months, you are ready to grow up.  So I guess momma better get ready.  Memaw and I hope that we can remind you how excited you were to turn 5 when you are turning 25!  I just hope that every year brings you so much excitement and joy (not to mention signs and streamers!). 

I love you Maggie, more than you will ever know.  You are a lot like your momma but you have so much of the individual you that it is scary.  You are definitely marching your own way in life and I could not be prouder.  Keep doing what you are doing and living your life big. 

Happy Happy Happy FIFTH Birthday Maggie Lynne!  I hope it was everything you wanted it to be.
I love you!

Happy 5th Birthday Cado!

Caden Joseph, it is your 5th birthday!  Hooray for your birthday! 

It was five years ago right about this time at night that I found out we would be welcoming you and your sister into this world in just a short amount of time - Oh BOY! is what I thought, little did I know you would melt my heart on first sight.

You are amazing Caden, you have a big heart, you are still my needy one who wants to be close to someone at all times but you are my first born and no matter what will always melt my heart.  You are shy around a group of people but give you an hour or so and you are running around like you do not have a care in the world for who is there.

Your LOVE and passion for sports: baseball, racing, hockey and somehow the Steelers - is big.  You know more about drivers, players and what is going on with a team or race than most kids should know.   You have a very good eye for detail and do not forget a thing.  You are enjoying t-ball and soccer and even scored your first goal two weeks ago. 

Scooby Doo is topping your list of favorite characters and you surely let me know when your Scooby shirt or jammies are not clean for you to wear!

You are a great big brother.  You and Cale have been playing so nicely together when it comes to trains and monster trucks that I am proud.  You are teaching him a lot of great things and sharing nicely. 

Even though your diet consist of chicken patties, spaghetti, cheese pizza, chicken wings (boneless), milk, circle cheese and cake - you have eaten a lot of birthday cake - you are growing into a strong and fine young man. 

Caden, I love you and I am proud of you.  You are growing up way to fast and I cannot believe you are already five, I have no idea where the time has gone or how to slow it down but as you tell me it will be okay.

I love you buddy, I cannot wait to see what the next year will bring in your life but I am sure it is great. 

Happy Happy Birthday to my five year old.  I love you

Maggie as the Star Student

Each week at school Ms. Lauren chooses one student to be the Star Student.  This student gets to bring in their favorite books to share during circle time, they get to choose their job in the classroom each day and they bring in a photo of themselves to hang up in the classroom with some answers to simple questions.

Our Miss Maggie was chosen as the Star Student for October 29th - November 2nd.  She was thrilled to fill up the book bag on Sunday evening, she carefully went through her books to choose the right ones so that both the boys and girls would like to see and hear what she brought.  She chose her photo of herself and could not wait to get to school to choose her job for the day. 

Maggie's Star Student Week:

• When I grow up I want to be....
• "A Teacher"
• I am proud of myself because...
• "I can write S"
• What I like most about school is...
• "Playing"
• I'm good at....
• "spelling words"
• My favorite subject is....(which Ms. Lauren usually asks what is another thing they like to do at school since they don't really have "subjects")
• "Coloring"
• I'm a Star Student because...
• "I've been so good"  (to which Ms. Lauren wrote, "Ms. Lauren agrees! :) You guys have a very sweet and smart little girl!)

Of course we agree with Ms. Lauren, we are proud of our little girl but it is always nice to hear it from someone else too.  Maggie LOVES being in Ms. Lauren's class and often tries to get out of lying down by "helping" Ms. Lauren - she will do anything, when I recently came early to pick up she was helping to hang up artwork!  I really appreciate that Ms. Lauren took the time to write down Maggie's answers to the questions so we could record them for her to read when she is older and hopefully she will be proud of her week as Star Student.

I love reading the kids answers each week; they are always so different and go so well with each child's personality.  This really is something special to these kids and I am grateful that Ms. Lauren takes the time to make sure that each child knows they are special and that they too can be a Star Student. 



The photo Maggie chose of herself



JAMMIE DAY JAMMIE DAY!

Who would of thought that a simple thing like being able to wear pajamas to school today would get a 2.5 year old so EXCITED!  That is exactly what Cale has been looking forward to for a week - jammie day at school.

Every morning he wakes up and wants to wear his jammies to school, who can blame him, being in your jammies all day is a GREAT thing.  We kept meaning to ask Ms. Tasha when we could have another jammie day but remembered last Thursday and to his delight it was this week in which he could actually get away with wearing jammies to school all day!

Each morning this week he would ask if it was jammie day, I would reply, "not today" and his response, "not yet for jammie day" but it did not stop his excitement.
Last evening when we were dressing for bed I let Cale know that today would be the day - the big JAMMIE DAY - and he and Mallory started chanting JAMMIE DAY, JAMMIE DAY HOORAY!  So that is exactly how I woke him up today, with quietly whispering to him that is was jammie day and I had one happy little boy. 

He was so excited that we chanted the whole way to school, mostly about jammie day but also that Mommy had to work and that Daddy went on an airplane.  Once we got to school he was running back and forth in his classroom just chanting with his hands in the air.  He was quite a site to see!

His excitement definitely started my day off with a smile, I sure hope that everyone can have a JAMMIE DAY to remind them that it is the simple things in life that we must really take the time to enjoy! 

Thank you Cale for my reminder today, for the laughs and for living life for the simple things! 

And YEAH JAMMIE DAY!

It's a....

Back on October 17th we were able to take part in the reveal of whether Adam and Haley's baby would be a boy or a girl.  This is was definitely exciting and something I had never been a part of - a thank you to Pinterest is definitely in order and I am so glad to say it was a great night of family time, good food and the big announcement.

The crowd that was impatiently waiting!



The excited family



Opening the box



The first peek - I see PINK!



The priceless reactions!

 



Haley talking to her sister in NC - we were skyping!



Once again the happy family



The beautiful big sister

Even though the gal at Kroger thought you were crazy trusting her to place the correct color of balloons in that box it was worth it, by the way that trusted employee had to call her mom to share the news because she was honored to be the second to know what they were having and thought it was a great idea.

Thank you Adam, Haley, Natalie and Baby Scarlett for allowing us to take part in your big reveal. 

We cannot wait to meet this little one who already has brought so much joy into our lives!

The Last of our "First"

Let's rewind back to October 18th - that was the beginning of the last of our first or maybe not truly but it was a moment that made me stop and think of all of our "first".  It was Mallory's first haircut and it made me realize that our "first" as them being little ones are just about over.  She is my last one to get her first haircut.  I know there will be other first in their lifetimes and I cannot wait to experience those with them all but this first really made me stop and think about how much my babies are growing up.  

Their first time they smile, roll over, sit, crawl, walk, talk, laugh, run and so much more - we spend their first two years just waiting for them to learn so much this moment felt like the last of those little years.  My father in law likes to say, "you spend the first two years waiting and willing for them to walk and talk, you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up!"

A big thank you once again to my friend Cherie she has cut each child's hair for me for their first and so carefully saved some locks and their curls.  Mallory probably could have waited another 6 weeks or so for her first haircut but this big girl was ready, she climbed up in that seat and was bound and determined to be like her brothers and sister so we decided it was time for her first haircut!

Patiently waiting and being such a big girl

The first cut



Getting a little style



And our finshed hair do with Miss Cherie!

She now has a very cute cut with a little style and as a result we can see some more curls now - no more tail for Mallory.  It was a small trim really but the last of the first of their little people years.  Being my last one to get her first haircut, it really made me stop and think about all of the "first" events in our lives.

Now it is time for the "first" of being big kids and while I am looking forward to what those years bring I am sad, my babies are growing up. 

The next "first" we will experience are the ones that seem bigger in impact but I guess what I really know is that these "first" are flying by and all too soon they will be packing up and heading to college, this momma is not ready for any of that but I am sure enjoying the ride for now. 

Slow down and savor the "first", record them all and smile when you look back!

Taking a vacation day for project work

Yesterday I took the day off work and the whole reason was to do some projects around the house that were quite frankly just overwhelming my brain!  You know the ones like, clean out your closet, clean out the cabinets that have things busting at the seams and oh when you look at the expiration dates have been in there since 2005 (GASP! yes 2005 that is 7 years or more old!).

This is all my reality, way too much to do on the list but living our lives so it has to wait and has continuously been pushed back since June!  However, the list maker in me is dying because my timeline of August 1st or September 1st deadlines are way past.  Not to mention that the relocators in my house have things where they think they belong but yet do not make sense to me and cause much unneeded stress when trying to locate them.

To me it was a successful day, no I did not get my entire list done but I am motivated and enlisting the kids help today - we will see how that goes - it was a peaceful day at home.  Just some music, me and garbage bags!  The count thus far - 6 bags which filled 3 big cans are full and ready to be tossed on garbage day! 

This is my way of taking much needed timeout of the reality of mom of 4, wife and full time working gal to get my head back straight.  Not to mention - bring on some new clothes - I am fitting into things that I was just SCARED to try on!  My closet now has at least 8 outfits that are "new" to me and I never really thought I would wear again.   If you need any size 8.5 shoes come see me, my beautiful children has caused me to go up in size so I am getting everything out that doesn't make sense in that closet, even the shoes I love to wear.  But don't get me wrong, my ideal day "for me" would be start off with some good coffee and a book, move into a little pampering at the spa, lunch at my favorite spot while writing a few blogs and topping it off with drinks with some friends.  That day however, will have to wait because right now, THE LIST is weighing me down and must get tackled!

Those of you who know me and our life, you know our house is never perfect, just semi perfect every other Thursday after our cleaning gal has been here.  There are always dishes in the sink, mail piled on the counter, clothes to be put away and just signs of reality that there are 4 munkins running around enjoying life!  That is who we are and it is not going away, I have put aside the woman who wanted everything in its place at every minute, however, yesterday and maybe through Monday - she may be back to get our course set a little straighter so that we can fully enjoy the approaching holidays and the big birthday of turning 5 for the bigs!  

My vacation day has not only been one of cleaning the closets but also my brain which has been cluttered about this list for way too long! 

Here is hoping you have a productive weekend of whatever you have planned! 

Enjoy your family, savor the moments, enjoy this weather and as I saw at Jimmy John's once, 

"Do what you can now so you can do what you want later!" 

It's OFFICIALLY back to work for Ricki!

Well little sister, it is your official back to work day after maternity leave and I hope you are having a great day!  Yes I know you "officially" returned last Friday but I am considering this one your official day since everyone else is where they are supposed to be as well.

She tried to return last Friday but poor Myles decided he needed some more time with mommy and daddy and came down with a fever that kept Erica and John home with him alone for a few more days. 

Hey little man, next time just ask - no fever needed - but seriously we are so glad you are feeling better and that everyone could have their "TA DA" day that was planned for last Friday.

Big brother Maddox was so excited for you to go to Becky's with him, I sure hope he did not complain when he had to go off to school for a few hours today.

Step by step, hour by hour, that is how I recommend you transition back into a working life while balancing a newborn, husband, another child and just way too much to do at home.

I all too well remember both times I returned to work after maternity leave. The first time, it was Valentine's Day 2008, and after being home 11.5 weeks I had to go back, I cried the entire way to work, got through it the best I could and smiled the entire way home just so excited to see those two little faces.

 

Next came returning to work after almost 13 weeks off with Mallory and Cale, this return was that much harder. 

I did not want to leave, I was happy here at home with just my babies, taking walks and keeping up with chores, but I had to go back - and I made it - Ice cream, apple pie, jeans and a few cries!. 



 

We make it through, just as I know you will make it and all of the other ladies who have to return to work and leave their babies in the care of others, balance the chores of the house, find some quiet time for yourself, make date time for your hubby and most of all savor the time with your family. 

No one ever said it was easy being a mom, no one can quite explain how rewarding it is to be a mom, no one can truly prepare you for the first day back to work, no one can know exactly how you feel but I can tell you this, it is not easy, it will make you stronger, you will have meltdowns but in the end you will make it through and each day will get a little bit easier.  Sure we will have set backs and routine changes and nights with no sleep but we keep going, it is what we do, it is what our families need and we are strong - Erica you are strong! 

So Ricki, remember, you are a great momma, you are a great teacher, you are a STRONG person.  You can do this and I know you will be great!
Welcome back - I know they missed you at school and just know I am here whenever you need me.
Love you lots!

A sweet moment and an accomplishment

Two things I need to record that happened yesterday.

First: as we were sitting down to eat breakfast Cale and Mallory were at the table.  Cale was sitting there eating his yogurt and I did not think he was paying attention to anything but his yogurt however I was wrong.

Mallory sits down and as she usually does she says, "push me mommy" meaning to push in her chair but before I could even get over there Cale jumped down and said, "I do it Mallory" but his Mallory comes out Mawory - it is very cute.  He pushed himself out, jumped down and ran over to help out his big sister.  She thanked him and began to eat her breakfast.  Just a sweet little moment by my little man who is growing up quickly.  He really is a sweetheart.  He is a stinker but he is a stinker with a sweet side.

Second: Maggie learned to swing herself.  Matt and I were off to the Bengals game and were not there to see it but they were playing outside on the swing set and I believe Miss Natalie had a lot to do with it and taught Maggie how to pump on the swing.  Maggie was so proud she called me this morning as I was heading to the airport to tell me that she learned to swing!  I am proud of you Maggie and again you have shown mommy you are growing up quickly!

You are also the only person I know whose jeggings were baggy!  I am not kidding this kid picked out jeggings to go with a new sweater the other day so I grabbed a size 4, they looked like they would fit but they are too BIG!  What are supposed to be tight skinny jeans are baggy!
God love you my skinny child! 

I love you both, I am proud of and all that you do and are accomplishing in your lives!  I hope you continue to amaze me for years and years to come!

10 Years of Wedded Bliss!

Ten years ago tomorrow, October 10th, I said, "I Do" to my best friend and the wonderful father of my four children.  Ten years - wow!  Seems like yesterday I stressed over wedding planning and making everything just right.  Ten years of ups and downs, joys and sorrow, trials and triumphs and four kids in two in a half years - WOW!

I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. 

It was a beautiful, warm and sunny day in October.  The place, St. John's the Baptist Church in Harrison Ohio.  Surrounded by our family and friends.  Embraced by our wedding party and those who were part of our day, thank you to each of you: Erica, Rachel, Jenny, Sara, Emily, Denise, Amber, Adam, Dusty, Scott, Hooper, Brian, Kurt, Aaron, Dan, Michael, Brad, Mandy, Aunt Connie, Aunt Cheryl, Tricia, Sarah, Alexis, Kasey, Jacob and Mason!  To our parents, thank you for the support, emotionally and financially to make our day possible. 

It was wonderful.  I remember being so excited, so into the mass, laughing at our four little people - Kasey throwing her pedals in the air, Mason and Jacob eating the beads out of their boutonnieres, looking out to see our family and friends there to witness our union, looking at Matthew during the ceremony thinking, "I cannot believe I am this lucky to be marrying this man today," enjoying an evening on the dance floor, a HUGE thank you to Jenny Klem for our photos that captured every moment, grateful that Emily made me take a minute to look around and take it all in, thankful that Uncle Bob drove us back to the hotel - with a pit stop for gas in our car, SO grateful that Tricia and Courtney came to rescue me out of my dress, and just being HAPPY.  Happy to the core of my soul...

Ten years, some days I still feel young, others I feel old but when I look back at our wedding day, we were young.  We had no idea what plans were in store for us, what goodness God would grace us with.  We knew we loved each other and that we could not wait to be married. 

When I think back to that day, the only part I hate, that my grandma Horstman did not make it to that day physically, but I know she was there, it started the traditional of all the girls wearing grandma's onyx ring on their wedding day.  I still remember in April of that year, she told my mom, she needed two dresses to go with one pair of shoes, Daniel and Tammy were getting married that May as well as us in October and she could not possibly wear the same dress to both weddings.  Sadly, she did not see either one of us get married, oh I so wish she did and I miss her so much.  I would give anything to watch her with my kids, I do not know who would laugh more, her or I.  I do know she would tell me I have my hands full but that I can do it. 

But today is not about being sad, it is about celebrating ten wonderful years.  There have been many travels, sporting events and outings galore, holidays in every home, two companies for me - three for Matthew, two houses, six different cars, two Harleys, and best of all four beautiful children and twelve fabulous years of being together.  It has not always been an easy road but it is definitely a road worth fighting for and to continue to build strong.   

Bubby, I cannot wait to celebrate the next ten years with you. 

Hold on, I have a feelings these kids will give us a run for our money but I would not have it any other way. 

 

I love you more than burritos - forever and ever.

 

Happy Anniversary Matthew, thank you for making me your wife. 

Here is to a great day at Keeneland with our family and friends! 

 

Oh we were young, not really 25 and 26 but still I feel old right now!

 

 One of my favorite pictures from the day, I have no idea at what part of the ceremony it was but I love that I am looking at Matthew and he is smiling, I am sure that Father Shine was saying something about being a great husband and always doing as I say!

 

 I warned Matthew to not smash the cake in my face - but I got him instead.  Love you honey!

And our four reasons to smile and remain strong - I love my monsters!  T

hank you Matthew for your willingness to go through what we did to get them! 

These kids make me laugh everyday!

 

The 6 Cools Summer 2012

Feeling for those students...

Over the weekend the kids of East Central lost a classmate, a young boy who was on the soccer team.  I personally do not know Jacob or his family but unfortunately I know what the students are all going through with this tragic loss and I feel for them all.  I feel for my young cousin who is a classmate and has known Jacob for a very long time.

Way too soon we have lost friends, we do not know the answers as to why, we may never know but I know how bad it hurts and how even after many, many years of them being gone they are not forgotten.  Adam, Robyn, Tommy, Jeff and Rod to name just a few but there are many more, they were all taken way too soon in life.  If I continue the list I may get sick because it is way too long.

I have other classmates who have passed and know other young kids who have passed, it is never easy.  It really is sad now that I think of all of the young lives I have known that have left too soon, I just cannot believe I know that many.  Even as I get "older" knowing of those who have left behind their children and spouses or their parents and siblings, it never makes sense and still is not any easier.

I do not know God's plan but I know in this small town we live in all of those who knew Jacob or know someone who knew him will rally around, show their support and love and make sure that he is never forgotten.  It truly is unfortunate that these kids will have to go losing a friend.  I have been watching the out pouring of love and support on facebook and it makes me proud to be an alumni of East Central and a member of the small town.  These kids are rallying, they are supporting the soccer team, it is branching across rival high schools, just as it was when Adam died, and it surely does not make it easier but somehow it makes it stronger to know that they are all pulling for each other and trying to figure out what happens next. 

Our town is small, that's all there is to it so tragedy like this touches everyone. I know that many, many people across the world are hurt by the loss of a young life everyday and each time I hear this on the news I feel for them.  No one can replace those loves, jokes, smiles, teammate high fives, and just a good time of being with friends.

I have great memories of all of my friends who have passed, they all touched my life in a special way and I will never forget them.  I will never know why it was their time but I know they made an impact while they were here.

All I know for sure is we can live for today, hug our loved ones, tell them how much we care, forgive when we need to and have no regrets. 

Stay strong family and friends of Jacob, stay strong - my thoughts and prayers are with you all during this time.  Remember the good times and celebrate the life that touched many.

How do you know?

How do you know that what you are doing as a parent is enough to raise them right? 
How do you know if your children and family truly know how much you love them? 
How do you make sure that you are doing the right things by your family? 
How do you know that when you make the choices you do that they will not hurt later?
How do you know that you have not loss all sense of the true you in trying to be the best you that you want to be in your career?
How do you know that they will always be okay?
How do you know that you have done enough preparation for whatever comes your way?
How do you know?????

I wonder about a lot of things, I may never get the answers I expect or need but I know that is what prayer and guidance is for but it doesn't stop me from wondering.

I miss my family, I hate that I cannot be home with them all tonight.  I will really miss my husband but I know he is off on his guys weekend so I will enjoy my weekend with my kiddos.  I have no expectations other than snuggling on the couch while watching movies tomorrow night.  I pray my travels are uneventful and safe. 

As I tried to lay down and go to sleep my mind would not stop, it wants to know, "how do you know?" 
I know deep in my heart that it is not always the right decision or choice, you cannot change what you do but you can learn and grow from everything. 
I know that I am not always perfect, no one is but I try hard to do what is right. 
I know that at times I let the stress get the best of me, but I try not to let it happen, I guess I need to try harder. 
I know that I love my family more than they will know.
I know that I miss my friends, you know the ones that are there when you need them but that you never get to spend enough time with because life happens.  Thank you for not giving up on us.  I need to know you all are there and never far away.
I know that I wish I had more time to do it all, but I don't so it is about balancing and trying to make the most of everything and letting go of some things.

I know that tomorrow night I will be home and the world will look so much better. 

Until then, sleep tight my little ones, momma loves you and cannot wait to see you. 
Bubby, have a great time, you appear to be ready with chips and beer for the weekend.  We love you and hope you enjoy your birthday - by the way this is the first one in 12 years where you will be away.

Spending some time in Omaha

This week I am privileged enough to travel to beautiful Omaha, Nebraska - where ConAgra's headquarters is located.  I am excited to be able to take a part in the class this week and I am catching up on email for sure however, traveling is not easy for me at all. 

Mentally, I worry about the kids behaving for Matthew or whoever is helping us out, I miss my family, I worry about all of the million things I need to get done at home, I worry that I forgot something for school and I MISS THEM!  Just tonight I missed Maggie coming home with her birthday present from Papaw Casey, her bike, she was so excited to call me and could barely get all of the details out to tell me about it!  But I smile at that - she is a happy, happy girl and that makes me a happy mom, I just wish I could be there to see it with the smile that I know is on her face.

Physically, when I was here in June, I ended up with strep.  Today I wake up with a cold, it stinks!  I hate traveling and not feeling well.  One bonus, I am about to head to bed at 8:30 Central time and do not plan to wake until 5:00 AM!

Having to ask so many people to help us out makes it harder on me, I had to have someone cover my meeting - I know my mother in law did a great job but I hate missing Kappa nights :(.  Memaw Donna will have to cover Friday night pick up of the kids because I cannot get home until about 7:00 and Matthew is leaving for his golf trip - UGH logistics!

Everyone thinks it is nice to sleep in a bed without kids, to not have to worry about being woke up because there are many nights when someone is up and to be able to sit down and eat a hot dinner but no really I would rather be home with my family, learning is nice, I LOVE that part but traveling is not all that glamorous. 

Just to show you here is my room from travels in June, I could touch both sides of it by stretching out - I think it is smaller than most cruise ship rooms! That is a twin bed and you can see the sink - the bathroom is the small closet size behind the bed.  This was a good trip but the room cracked me up - I did not have free time to spend in there so it does not really matter!

 Traveling is part of what I do and I am grateful for the fact that I am able to travel to learn more about my job and how I can continue to improve.  I appreciate the opportunities that I have at ConAgra and with my team, still does not mean I do not miss my family like crazy when I am cozy in my cruise ship rooms!  However, traveling in the corporate jet was nice - that trip when I had strep - at least I was on the jet for 75% of my travels!

Kiddos, I hope you are being good.

Hubby hang in there, do not let them win! 

I love you all and will see 4 of you Friday and one of you hopefully by Monday! 

So Fitting and So Perfect for This Little One!

As I went into the little ones closet this morning to get out their clothes, which I HATE during cool mornings and warm afternoons - what a decision on what to wear, I had grey pants for Cale and grabbed an orange shirt - coordinates right?  It was not the colors or the coordination that struck me as funny it was the saying on the shirt....

Yes you are seeing it correctly, "my parents are exhausted" and it could not be further from the truth.  We actually had this shirt for Caden but his head was quiet large and the neck on the shirt is small, so it did not fit well at all.  However, it fits Cale and is definitely more fitting to his personality!  This kid is going to exhaust us in every way and will test our patients to the limit but he is so stinking cute you cannot help but love him and forgive and forget quickly. 

He has the best giggles, the silliest of grins, always finding ways to entertain and just down right rotten!  But boy do I LOVE this kid.  I have said it before and will say it a million times more, there is a reason why he was a surprise at 6 weeks and he is the baby.  There is no one else like him and that is a good thing!  He is all boy and goes a million miles an hour for 27 hours of the day.

Cale, mommy maybe exhausted but I love you to pieces, I love you more than you will ever know.  Don't ever stop giggling or smiling. 

You give the best and biggest hugs, you always want "to get you" and you never let us leave in the morning without a kiss - that my buddy is what sends mommy out the door to work remembering what is important! 

Thank you for doing more for me than you realize you do. 

I love you my little exhausting monster!

Being a Mom

Being a mom fills my brain with so many thoughts over the almost five years (YIKES that is a scary thought) of being a parent I have had a lot of random thoughts and feelings.  I am finally just going to take a few minutes and record the thoughts that are running through my head about being a mom to two 4 year olds, who are very close to turning 5 and two 2 year olds who act like they are going on 30 some days.

I love being a mom, it is by far the biggest and best accomplishment I have ever done and I am forever grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be a mom.  My thoughts, dreams, worries and cares will change with time but right now the following is what consumes my mind for a major part of the day.

Here is what being a mom means to me (in no particular order):

• Never sitting down, or at least never sitting for too long, except for my commute to and from work
• Realizing after I have arrived at work that there is snot on my sleeve or shoulder from my little ones
• PRIDE in their accomplishments, big and small
• Fear that I am not giving them enough of a background to become good people
• Hope, that they will accomplish anything and everything they can ever dream
• LOVE, oh it is so much more love than I ever knew I could feel for these little people
• A kitchen table that has food caked in the grooves on most given days
• Dirty floors, always dirty floors, with six people in the house what else can I expect?
• Never knowing when you will get a bad shot in sippy cup roulette, you know when you find a sippy cup that the creative little buggers hid somewhere, no matter how hard you try you can never find them all and should probably just throw it away but cannot help but look inside
• Finger prints on windows, walls, doors and basically anything that stands still
• Stickers where they do not belong, including on my pants when I arrive at work
• Too much to do and NEVER enough time to do all that your heart may desire, that you kids need done for that your house could use
• Not a full nights sleep, even when they are staying with Memaw or Papaw, I worry that they are not sleeping through the night and making things rough on them.  It is only when I get away for a day or two far out of twothat I can sleep for a day straight - and basically have before!
• Art projects covering my walls, who needs fancy expensive art when you have four live in artist?
• Driving along and realizing that I just spent the last twenty minutes listening to Elmo or the Fresh Beat Band when you are by yourself - your children have not been with you for twenty minutes you can turn it off now! 
• Sweet, sweet kisses. Sloppy, full of love kisses from your babies
• "more hugs" and big strong ones too
• Random "I love you momma" moments
• Never getting to eat a hot meal again, at least I do not have to worry about burning my mouth
• Getting the "sympathy" and "annoyance" looks at the restaurant when we are brave and crazy enough to take all four kids out to eat - yes we do go out to eat
• Never knowing if you will actually get to eat in a restaurant when you head out with all four, having your food boxed up as soon as it comes has happened before as well as leaving before the food is out and the others staying behind to get our dinner
• Looking back at the photos over the years and just wondering where in the world time has gone, when did they get so big and what will the future hold for them?
• Silently apologizing to my children for their too short pants that they will wear to school some days because I didn't realize they were too short until we had them on and were on the way out the door, who cares if it is high water pants for one day?
• Praying that I am giving them enough guidance to learn and freedom to figure things out but not too much that they begin to take things for granted
• The joy of watching them learn new things, learning to jump anyone?  Their patience to learn is amazing at a young age
• Always trying to remember that it is okay that you are a working mom, they are learning so much at school and have a ton of friends
• Hoping that I am balancing all of my roles just right
• Wishing I had more time to record our moments
• Being amazed at how much of yourself or your spouse you see in your children, especially wondering if you will make it through the teen years with your oldest daughter being just like you
• Having more mixed emotions then you will ever know to deal with: hope, fear, care, concern, scared, love, pride and faith - you go through them all as a parent and never know when they will mix together

I still cannot believe my babies will be turning 5 very soon, can someone please freeze time?  How did they become these little people who know way too much but not enough?  I am having a HARD and emotional time even thinking about the fact that they are turning 5 - can we not stay 4 and 2 forever?  I know the answer, but you have to ask right? 

I know this more than anything, the love for my children constantly pulls me through the hard times and always gives me a reminder for is truly important in the world. 

Caden Joe, Maggie Lynne, Mal Mal and Cale Man Buster - I love you more than you will ever know, thank you for giving me the chance to be your momma. 

We are some very lucky parents to have you in our lives!

Papaw Screwball!

Yes that is what Mallory calls Papaw Casey, Papaw Screwball - and you have to draw out Papaw and giggle after Screwball.  That little girl cracks me up!  She started calling him that because Caden came home from Casey's one night and told us that everyone had a nickname, Caden was Goofball, Papaw was Screwball, we all had a nickname with the "ball" ending! 

Papaw Screwball it has been since that day earlier this summer. 

I am very grateful that our children have Papaw Casey in their lives.  He is an awesome Papaw and would do anything for his grandkids.  How many grandpas would request extra clothes for the oldest three to keep at his house for when they are there playing and need something?  How many grandpas are crazy enough to drive to Tennessee with his four year old grandson to go to a race (okay it got rained out and they were only in Lexington but still)?  He is the one who remained calm and took Cale out of my arms on Christmas morning when he split his head open.  He is the one who will go down a slide because his grandkids asked him to do so with them.  Those are only a few reasons of what he does but I am continuously amazed at the joy this man brings out in his grandkids - all 5 of them for now - it is amazing to watch.

Caden has learned his Papaw's phone number, which is scary because he wants to go over to his house everyday.  He loves making plans with Papaw.  Right now I know we have one happy little boy as he is spending a few days camping with Papaw.  He packed his hiking boots, his walking stick, his bicycle, a drink and plenty of clothes for this 2 day trip!  That kid is an old soul and when you see he and Casey cruising around in the big blue car it is a sight.

Grandparents are special people and the fact that all four of them light up when Papaw Casey walks into the room is wonderful.  Seeing children share their love is a blessing.  We are very forunate to have many wonderful grandparents for them in their lives.

So in honor of the big camping trip and the love the grandkids have for Papaw Casey, we (Maggie and I, Maggie who is enjoying being able to watch Princess movies) thought we should share a few Papaw and Grandkids photos.  Hang on Papaw because soon enough there is one more to add to this crazy mix of kids you have!


Papaw and the grandkids, yes Maggie is magically floating!



Patiently waiting for Maggie to join them

At least these 4 were cooperating!



Backyard fun for Natalie's birthday



Caden loves spending time with Dixie because of Casey!

 

Caden, Maggie and Papaw - they were 10 days old

 

Caden wearing Papaw's glasses



The McCool Men! Enjoying Caden's first of many races.  Look at my chunky monkey!

  Just another blessing in our lives, having a grandpa like Casey for our kids!  We are part of an amazing family and I am a lucky gal. 

Thank you Papaw Casey aka Papaw Screwball for being a part of our kids lives and for taking the time out to teach them lessons and for spending time with them. 

Have fun camping  you two, I cannot wait to hear the stories! 

Capturing the Sweet Moments of Time

I love when I catch my children in sweet moments and I stop to just watch their innocence of being a child.  Many times they get embarrassed and stop whatever they are doing but not this time...

Monday evening I ran upstairs to throw in one of the 15 weekly loads of laundry and I heard Maggie leading Mallory in a dance routine.  The fact that Maggie was leading her sister is not the new part, the part that I loved was listening to Mallory giggle as she followed whatever Maggie was asking her to do.  So I crept down a few stairs to sit and watch what was happening.  Maggie was leading her normal dance warm up and not only did she have Mallory following but she had Cale following along too.  They were dancing up a storm and just having a great time.  It really warms my heart to watch them play together and to fill our home with laughter.  I know that they will not always be so sweet and play together nicely but I am trying my hardest to capture each moment I can when they love being together.  I just wish I was closer to the video camera when this was all going on to truly capture the moment.

This time when they caught me watching they didn't stop, we continued the dance party, I mean who doesn't need a good dance party on a Monday night? 

That wasn't the only moment of the night that was sweet, I watched Caden and Cale sitting together watching Thomas the Train videos on the iPad.  First of all the fact that the four year old and the two year old can both work the iPad probably better than I can is just plain scary.  The real part of my story is watching these two brothers bond over their love of trains.  Caden and Cale have not been the closest, they are usually fighting over cars and whose is whose but not on this night - it was just brotherly love and trains, lots and lots of trains.  It was just another moment that melts your heart as a parent, knowing that they can be together and not have to say anything.  I was extremely proud of Caden as he would ask Cale what he wanted to see next and was teaching him all of the names of the trains.  He is one awesome big brother. 

Even though it is now Thursday, I have wanted to capture this night all week but unfortunately have barely had a moment to breathe.  I love these four little people more than they will ever know.  Matthew and I are two very lucky parents, we get to be their mommy and daddy.  I thank God on a daily basis for allowing us this awesome task and for these sweet, sweet moments.  Ironic - maybe it took until Thursday for me to record my Thankful Thursday moment??

Here is to many more sweet, sweet memories and for being able to capture them before they are grown and gone.

Happy 21st to Kelsey and some Labor Day fun!

Labor day weekend was rainy and just wet.  We did not let that stop the party though as we celebrated Kelsey's 21st Birthday! 

Fried chicken, yummy dishes, a live band, cold beer, family and friends - nothing better than that even if it is raining most of the time!

Kelsey and Andrew



Kids were dancing in the rain!



I love these two!




Kissing Chloe!




Enjoying the band no matter the weather!



Oh my CUTENESS!

Meeting Myles was definitely a highlight in my weekend.  I have to say I am in love with this little boy!  He is just perfect, I know I have said it before but seriously he is and I cannot wait to see him again.

I really cannot wait for my kids to meet him.  As much as I often fight technology (GPS is not my friend) and complain because I do not know how to work anything, I am grateful that they have all had the opportunity to face time to see Myles.  I did appreciate being able to see him on my own, no one to really share the attention or snuggles but these 4 kids are so excited to meet him.



Just LOVE those chubby cheeks!

 

Stretching out - he really is smaller than I thought



This was probably one of the best moments of the day, Maddox being a GREAT big brother.  He is so excited to play and help with Myles that he cannot stand it!  He wanted him to sit in his "seat" from the moment he walked in the door.

Kisses from Maddox

 

Hugs Too

Such sweetness



The only time this kid cried - he wanted to sleep!

 We love you buddy, more than you will know, we are lucky to be your family and Aunt Trini would drive another 700 miles to hold that sweet baby any day! 

Whew what a weekend!

As Mallory would say,"Oh My GOSH!" what a weekend this past one was for me!  I traveled 736 miles from Friday until Sunday evening and did not get to any states other than Indiana and Ohio!  196 ounces of Diet Coke consumed while in the car and 1 Pumpkin Spice Latte later it was a trip to remember.

Friday: started out working at home and then traveled the two hours to Indiana University to speak as part of a panel for the Kelley School of Business Alumni Association.  They were hosting "industry connections" were undergraduates can come and hear about what we do, what are the challenges and joys of our job and what it takes to be successful.

I was nervous to do this, I mean really what makes me eligible to speak to college students?  I definitely felt old heading into this I mean it has been almost 13 years since I was a student.  However, once I got there, saw the other panelists and saw the students who were eager to hear what we had to say it was great!  I got the share my passion for selling food and for working for ConAgra, which I believe is a great company.
We finished about 4:30 and I headed back.  I have to admit during my college years I made that trip on St. Rt. 46 a million times but it was a big trip down memory lane and all of the great memories from college.  Passing Teter, seeing the campus bustling on a Friday afternoon, stopping at TIS to get a new long sleeve, and seeing my favorite spot just outside of Nashville, those are a few of the bonuses plus just seeing all that has changed or not changes along the route.

I stopped by mom's and picked up Maddox, the proudest big brother, so that he could enjoy an evening with his cousins.  That little three year old is hoot and FULL of energy!  He was so excited to see Caden, Maggie, Mallory, Cale and Uncle Matt.  He kept asking how long - the whole 15 minute trip - but yet told me he doesn't know how long those minutes really take.  I know that he has one thumb that works for thumbs up and one that doesn't - he has trigger thumb and will have surgery here in a few days.  I know that Icy came out of  his belly and I know that his mommy was in the hospital with his brother Icy Myles.
We made it to the football game, go Tigers and nice win, brought them all home, let them play and then finally about 10:00 got them to bed!

Saturday: Cale started yelling at 6:30, "get me out" "I am stuck and want out" meaning he wants out of his crib.  He has not yet climbed or even tried to climb so they are staying in the cribs as long as we can however, this screaming for Matt and I caused all 5 kids to wake up - at 6:30 - come on little dude! 
Maggie, Mallory and I had a wedding shopping date with the fabulous Phyllis.  Maggie scored her flower girl dress and even though we struck out on a few of the other things we were searching for we found a few we didn't plan on so I will call it a good trip. 
Next up was getting ready for the twins sale that is coming this weekend, there is still tagging to do and organizing.  I am not sure I will sleep until Saturday but it is worth it when all of the junk is cleared out of our house.  Sneaking the kids toys out is awful hard when they see it I get lots of questions about why I am getting rid of this or that but they do not complain much when I remind them that they do not play with it and it is time for another kid to get a turn with the toy. 

We finished off the evening by sending the kids to the Reds game with their grandparents and Matt and I catching some date time over dinner. 

To my friends who had invited us to two separate gatherings, I am sorry I missed them.  I suck as a friend right now but please know I truly appreciate the invite and you thinking of me.  I would have loved to do both, celebrate baby Anniston and the wine and tagging party with twin mom's, I just cannot seem to fit it all in the hours of the day right now.

Sunday: well Sunday was topped off with a LONG drive that was well worth the effort.  I picked up Maddox from Memaw Donna and we started the trek to Ft. Wayne.  He is quite the talker and will entertain you with songs.  I heard "Row, Row, Row your Boat", "Take me out to the ballgame" and "The Star Spangled Banner".  We had to have potty breaks, he colored, he got mad because I could not get his DVD to work, we talked about Caden, Maggie, Mallory and Cale visiting the Cincinnati Zoo and why not the Ft. Wayne Zoo, we discussed what animals they would see, and my favorite, he told me all of the things he is going to do to help out with Icy Myles - did you know this 3 year old is going to change all of his diapers?

When we finally arrived to their house it was well worht it!  Maddox was so excited to see his brother, he wanted to give him a snack of a cookie, and he kept checking on him and giving him his toys which he had picked out.  Then I got my chance, to hold and snuggled and just admire my newest nephew.  I have to say this kid is quite perfect - pictures to come on the next blog.  I could not have been happier to do all of the driving to those few short hours I was able to spend with him.  My heart is full of love for him and he is just perfect! 

I spent the rest of the day driving back home thinking of the wonderful new family of 4 and ready to get home to my family of 6!  I made a quick stop off for baby Anniston to have some Colts gear - thank goodness she was not prepared for football season yet! 


Just two quick photos of the beautiful sky on my drive! 
No comments on using the phone while driving!



The weather was perfect, the sky was beautiful, I had my music and caffeine to keep me company and made one more trip to get stuff for the sale.  The downer part, is that I thought I was close to done tagging, ran out of printed and cut tags and had to spend some time printing and cutting more tags. 
The kids got dinner and bathes and away to bed they went.  Caden had to watch some of his Steelers, sorry they lost buddy, but all in all it was a busy, productive and fulfilling weekend!

Now we are off to a typical McCool week, dance, soccer, meetings, haircuts, sale tagging and getting ready for Phyllis's shower!  Caffeine is my friend, sleep will be special and I hope we all can remember what is really important to us all.

Whew what a weekend!