One year later....

October 4, 2013 the day I received a call that changed so much and left so many ends undone.  So many "what ifs" to be answered and so many emotions raw.  One year later and I can say it has been a year of healing, taking care of things and realizing that my decisions were right for my family and that no matter what I love my dad and he loved me.

It has been a roller coaster year, I have learned so much about making sure things are in order for your family and truly have embraced each out reach from his friends to hear the stories of dad.  I learned what it takes to keep going for your kids and to when it is time for a timeout for myself. 

I ran a half marathon during which he and grandma were heavy on my mind because it was Disney and they had taken us there as kids, as I ran through the back lots where they kept the floats I thought how much he would have loved to see this as he got a kick out of the parades.  I start talking to any stranger and feel my dad guiding me because he never met a person he didn't know.  I stopped by the car lot when I could have made a phone call just because he used to.  I am excited we are keeping his car and will keep his treasure going, for now anyways.  As I sit and watch my kids play sports I realize how much time my parents took to be there for me and to cheer us on.  I am grateful they were there and I hope my kids are one day too. 

I am no longer wishing for that last conversation to make things better, I am at peace and have prayed for a sign that dad and I are okay, I have received them.  I no longer say, "I wish things could have been different" because this is the story that has been written for us and I know it hurts but it is part of who I am and what I was supposed to learn.  I know that one day I will get another hug from my dad and I am grateful that he is healthy and happy now. 

Our family has been through a lot in a year, three times we lost someone in our little family.  My dad, my grandma and my aunt.  We are stronger because of it and I truly hate that this is how we have seen each other so much I am grateful I have them in our lives. 

Since the day of dad's visitation I have been wearing the bracelet he gave me when I graduated college.  I have only taken it off a handful of times and mostly to keep from ruining it.  I feel strong with it on and don't know when I will take it off if ever.  He was so excited to get this for me and I hadn't worn it in so long.  I look at it many times during the day and know that my dad is watching. 

Erica took this photo right before she found out about dad - a beautiful rainbow - double rainbow - which we now find as a sign from Rainbow!

This is what greeted my family and I as we arrived in Florida for fall break - the biggest and brightest rainbow I had ever seen - one year to the day.  This rainbow went across the entire sky and we could see it all.  I immediately cried when I told my sister. 

 

We finally got dad resting right and I was so happy to hear from a friend that she saw it while visiting the cemetery, she said it jumped right out at her.  I have been there many times and the kids and I often stop by to see Grandpa Jerry on the way home from school.  They still ask many questions when we pass the funeral home. 

So one year later, I feel peace.  I miss him and still want to talk to him but it would be a different conversation than I thought I would have with him just a few months ago.  It is truly amazing how prayer can heal and help. 

Big Jer I hope you are riding happily in your racecar and enjoying your life.  I love you and miss you, until I see you again hugs from us.

The 1st day of 1st Grade!

Well this post should be dated July 31st but whatever, July or October it still doesn't change that the first day of school was great and I was so happy to be there and able to take them to school. 

We were excited, 1st grade, separate classrooms, new teachers, new friends, new worries so much to look forward to, so many questions.  Needless to say we all were excited and nervous for what the year would bring.

These two crack me up and are so different in how they approach life.  I love them to pieces and could not be more proud of them and who they are becoming.

 

We are blessed with amazing teachers.  Caden has Mrs. Fox and Maggie has Mrs. Sampson.  While they did not end up in the class or with the friends they wanted they are both excited after we had meet your teacher night.  It amazes me how that 30 minute session allows them to get to know so much.  We are grateful that Memaw Jo was able to go with us as Daddy was out of town.

 

 

 

 

This photo says so much about each of their personalities!

 

photo courtesy of Cale!

 

My babies and I!

 

Waiting to go into our class

 Right after I took this picture of Caden, his class filed out of the gym, I was waiting for Maggie's class then I was heading to their rooms too.  I happened to just walk into the hallway when I saw Caden turn around to look for me, his eyes said it all.  This was his first adventure without his twin and he needed to know I was still there.  He was fine once we hit his classroom but this was a big step for my cautious child!

 

My littles and I just had to have some donuts after we dropped off the bigs and enjoyed some time the three of us.  These two are crazy and I cannot believe they are in Pre K - they have a few more weeks before they being classes but they cannot wait.

Overall, this day was awesome, we all made new strides and are learning new things. 
First grade is awesome and I fully believe these two will rock it!