It's been 10 years...

I haven't been on here in ages, life is crazy busy and there are many times I think about documenting things for the kids so they have the memories later but eh life is happening and never in a million years did I think these teens years would be so chaotic and on the go, but here we are.  Unfortunately we blinked and so now we have 4 teenagers and two who will be leaving home in a few short years.  I say it a lot, oh what I would give for the sleepiness nights with 4 at 2 and under, those days now seem easy but oh my what a fun ride these kids are taking us on.  

This week, I knew what was coming, my dad's angel day.  What I did not want to think about was that is has been 10 years since he passed.  It is always an emotional week for me but I have been trying to focus on the good and knowing that we are not the ones that gets to write our life story, we can only embrace what we have and make the most of each chapter. 

So much has happened in 10 years, so many times I have thought of him and wondered what he would think.

In 10 Years: 

• 10 years of birthdays he did not get to celebrate 
• 10 years of the kids birthdays that he has missed
• 10 years of sports that he missed of the kids
• 10 years of Farmer's Fair he has missed, he loved visiting with friends
• 10 years of no phone calls to hear the same story each time, oh what I would give for one of those
• 10 years of remembering his stories with friends we have seen along the way 
• 10 years of knowing he is at peace with life
• 10 years of watching NASCAR with Caden and thinking of him
• 10 years of not being able to tell him that I appreciate all he did when I was a kid because man this parenting thing of running them everywhere is hard
• 10 years of holding onto and wearing a vintage Bengals because LONG ago it was his - I bet he would have A LOT to say about the last few years for the Bengals
• 10 years of wondering if our lives together would have eventually been different and if we could have had a better relationship in my adult era
• 10 years of seeing a sand dollar and remembering our trips to the ocean to find them
• 10 years of watching for the rainbows to know he is there and watching over us
• 10 years = 3,652 days or 87,660 hours of not being able to change our relationship but yet having to make peace that he knows I love him and that I am sorry it could not be different

You learn a lot in 10 years, well we should always be learning, but I have learned to try to forgive a bit easier and to be more present.  To help others when they need it most but not to the point it takes more from you than you can handle.  To see the good in others and to ALWAYS listen to their stories as they can tell you a lot about a person and it means a lot to folks when you listen. 

Dad, I miss you more than I knew I could. But I feel you and I know you are here.  I think you would be having a ball with all of these grandkids but do not worry your sister is one of their biggest cheerleaders and makes sure to take in a game or performance each season.  

I cannot spend my time wishing that my adult years with you were different, it would not be our chapter then but I do wish I had a chance to tell you in person how much I love you and I appreciate the things you did for me.  Even in the hard times, you are still my dad and a part of me. 

When I think of my dad this is one of the images that comes to mind, he was so excited for this day and I probably heard the story 100 times but I would answer the phone if it meant I could hear it one more time. 

Friends, life with our parents is not always easy, but they are our only ones so maybe one more hug, thank you or I love you can matter as you never know when it will then be 10 years.... find the Rainbow my friends