The Guilt That a Mother Carries

In my short 3 years of being a mom there is one thing I have learned for sure, the guilt of a mom may never go away! 
As a mom I carry a lot of guilt. 
Am I spending enough time with my kids?
Why didn't I hold one of the twins before the other?
Why did that baby get to eat first when they are both crying?
Will that one who didn't get picked up first remember I picked up their sibling before them? 
The older twins were at daycare for longer than I would like but I couldn't get out of work.
I forgot to send a toy for show n' tell. 
I didn't get to put them to bed. 
I missed their trip on Thomas.

And well I think you get the picture, I can't do it all and I am not perfect.  I cannot be everywhere at once.  Our house will never be perfectly clean and put together.  But I can promise you this, my children will know they are loved, they will know how to respect people, they will love each other and take care of each other.  No I can't do it all but I can teach them a few important lessons that I will hope carry over into many things in their lives.  I know as a mom that balance is important but for tonight I cannot get over the fact that my babies aren't even 3 and the amount of guilt I have felt is enormous.  I am not sure that whatever I do will ever be enough.  One will never know but at some point you have to know you have done all you can and trust that it is the right thing for you and your family.

I may not be the perfect wife, mother, sister or daughter but I try and I try hard.  I work hard and we play hard.  I try to make sure that those who are important in my life know they are important to me and that I would do anything to help them.

Most of the time when I am super stressed and overcome with guilt I remember one thing as I pray, God will never give me more than I can handle, while it may feel like he has given me more than I can carry there is always a lesson or reason for what I have been given and I take these challenges and lessons head on with gratefulness.

So this is a working mom who can't do it all (even if I was a stay at home mom, I can't do it all) none of us can.  We do what we need to do for our families and ourselves and we try our best.  That is all you can ask of any mother. 

For my family, I am not perfect but know that I love you and would do anything for you. 

Being a mom and a wife is the hardest but yet most amazing and rewarding job I will ever have and I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

 Caden, Maggie, Mallory and Cale mommy loves you and hopes that one day you will know exactly how hard I have tried to do it all!