He broke my heart this morning

Yes this little man who came into this world 6 weeks early and very small, 4lbs. 10z, broke my heart once again this morning.

About 2 weeks go - so 8 weeks into my maternity leave - Caden caught on that mommy wasn't leaving the house in the mornings and started to ask to stay home with me.  Well we have kept them in daycare for many reasons and we want them to go as he is learning a ton and always has fun when he is there so each day we talk him into going.  He started by saying "you pick me up" meaning I don't want daddy I want mommy, which also means if I don't have anyone to stay with the newborns I load them up, unload them at daycare, get the other two kids and then load 4 kids back into the van - it takes about 20-30 minutes for all of this but I do it for my little man. 
Then last week I thought we were doing well we had a routine that he would say I don't want to go, we would convince him, he would say "you pick me up" and I would comply but no last week he said "I just want my mommy back" talk about heart break and being pulled into a million directions! 

All of these words come from my little guy who stayed 9 days in the NICU to quickly get big once he was home to the 2 year old - almost 3 year old he is now!  He looks just like his daddy, he is a kid who is full of personality and knows what he wants.  He tells you "I'm Fine" when you ask him to eat dinner, he tells me "RELAX" at the moments I most need it (I blamed Papaw Casey for this one but no he started this on his own) and life is simple for him, give him race cars, something blue and milk and he is a happy, happy boy.   Not to mention he truly loves all of his family and he shows it.

Caden at 6 months - he was all smiles most of the time and learning to get around the best he could.

Caden at 13 months - he had learned to walk, and was starting to talk but he is still smiling and being silly.  One of his first words was firetruck believe it or not it came out as firetruck!

This was one of our first mommy and Caden dates, his first haircut, I cried that the curls were gone but he looked so handsome and big at 20 months.  And he is still smiling.

Caden early in the Spring of 2010 enjoying one of his favorite things - the Reds games - his favorite player is Scott Rolen and he can name about half of the team.  He sits still at the games, he has been to about 40 games in his lifetime and all he usually asks for is a blue popcicle. 

This is his latest in making us laugh...Caden on his first trip to Eldora and his face that always makes me laugh.  He LOVES racing, (anything from sprint cars, late models, modifieds - he latest favorite, to monster trucks) he always wants more cars on the track and he asks if the babies can go.  When we explain to him that they are too little his says "When they get bigger they go?" and then ask "When will they get bigger?"  and yes Scott James, aka Uncle Shark is his favorite driver but he cheers for all blue cars. 
Looking at these pictures reminds me - I missed two of these events with him - for being pregnant and/or for taking care of the babies.  I have to remember my first born and take the time to do some fun things with him.  Although he did go to the nail salon with me on Saturday I don't think those trips will continue to qualify as quality time together.

So this little guy taught me that no I can't do it all and I will always be pulled into a million directions with 4 kids however, he also reminded me how important it is to stop and make sure that he gets mommy and Caden one on one time no matter what. 
I can't go back and make up for minutes I have missed with him but I can promise to be there more with him in the future and hopefully he won't break my heart too many times! 

It's the little lessons that my oldest teaches me that I will always hold near and dear to my heart. 

RELAX is the biggest one and the one I need the most.

Mommy loves you Caden Joseph and I love your passion for living life!